Jokes

[Nick]

I watch all his on the Johnny Carson .. Just u tube it ..

 

[highup]

Timothy Stack had a couple of funny shows. One was a spoof of late night talk shows.
https://www.google.com/search?safe=........0....1..gws-wiz.......33i299.R-mN5o85K_4

This one was a spoof of Baywatch.
https://dvd.netflix.com/Movie/Son-of-the-Beach/70157253

 

[highup]

Can't get no respect!!!
I loved Rodney Dangerfield!

My wife's cooking is so bad, the flies got together and patched the hole in the screen door.
He was a riot. Nobody else could have played his part in Caddy Shack.

 

[Nick]

 

[Nick]

 

[zannej]

I think that image got cut off. Did it say something like "I told you I'd be ready in 15 minutes so why are you calling me every half hour?"

 

[Nick]

It was one minute .. Don't know why it got cut off ..

 

[DarisMulkin]

A guy walks into a barber shop.
He says to the barber, “Sir how can I make hair grow on my chest?”
The barber replies, “Go home and put Vaseline on your chest real thick…”
That night the young man does as the barber told him.
His partner climbs into bed and reaches over to hold him and feels the slime on his chest..he says, “What the hell is this?”
The other man replies, “The barber told me that if I put Vaseline on my chest hair would grow…”
His partner replies,
“You stupid son of a bit**, if that were the case you would have a damn ponytail hanging out of your ass.

 

[Don Monfils]

Jesus

 

[Nick]

 

[Nick]

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask if we're open."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in aloud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ********."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left!"
Seniors -- don't mess with them, They didn't get old by being stupid...

 

[DarisMulkin]

 

[Floorist]

Looks like Nick.

 

[DarisMulkin]

Looks like Nick.

I was thinking the same thing. Kind of sounds like him too!

 

[Nick]

He does have my clubs ..

 

[Floorist]

At a construction site in Chicago, there are two young construction workers from Honduras, Luis & Enrique. They get to know each other, and find that both had grown up in the outskirts of Téguz. They become friends, and eat lunch together every day. Being poor, the sandwich in their boxes is usually PB&J, and often a bit light on both the PB and the J.

Then one day Enrique sees that Luis is eating a fat sandwich filled with several heavy slices of meat. "Hola, Lucho, that looks really good...what kind of meat is it?"

Luis replies, "It's rabbit, Quique. I thought you might like it, so I brought one for you, too. You want it?"

"Vaya, amigo -- sure!" They munch in satisfaction until the last morsels are gone. "Hey, Lucho, where do you get the rabbits, and how can you afford 'em?"

Luis smiles, "I don't buy 'em. I shoot 'em. I use a 22 rifle, short ammunition, almost no noise. I wait in the alley behind my apartment in the evening, and pretty soon they come out and go 'meow'

 

[Nick]

Always wondered what a rabbit sounded like ..

 

[zannej]

When rabbits do make sounds (usually under duress) they squeal like pigs. For the most part they are quiet and will thump the floor for communication.

 

[Floorist]

When rabbits do make sounds (usually under duress) they squeal like pigs. For the most part they are quiet and will thump the floor for communication.

It almost sounds like a scream/squeal. Scares the crap out of my dog.

 

[Don Monfils]

I hit a rabbit with my snowblower last week.
It was buried under the snow and stiff as a board. I think a fox or cyotee must have gotten him.