Jokes
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A 65 y.o senior citizen goes for his annual physical.
Doctor: Mr. Jackson, all your test results are very promising. You must have good genes. How old was your father when he, you know, when he...
Jackson: What makes you think he died? he is still living and just had his 88th birthday.
Doc: That's what I mean, how old was your grandfather...
Jackson: What makes you think he died? He is alive and well at 110, and as a matter of fact he will soon marry his 29 y.o fiancee.
Doc: Well, why would he want to marry such a young woman?
Jackson: Who said he wants to?
Doctor: Mr. Jackson, all your test results are very promising. You must have good genes. How old was your father when he, you know, when he...
Jackson: What makes you think he died? he is still living and just had his 88th birthday.
Doc: That's what I mean, how old was your grandfather...
Jackson: What makes you think he died? He is alive and well at 110, and as a matter of fact he will soon marry his 29 y.o fiancee.
Doc: Well, why would he want to marry such a young woman?
Jackson: Who said he wants to?
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Priceless. Have you forwarded it to Trump? 
..........uh, .........on second thought, maybe you should forget that.
I think he still has his Twitter account.
..........uh, .........on second thought, maybe you should forget that.
I think he still has his Twitter account.
I forgot about that. I finished filling the nail holes and caulking 90 feet of baseboards that I just installed. I plan on sanding the spackle then painting it
tomorrow.
We have a storm coming in early this morning 4 or 5 am.
25 to 35 winds, with gusts as high as 65. Maybe the power will go out and I'll take the day off.
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came to see a therapist. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
Ever try archery blindfolded?
You don't know what you're missing.
You don't know what you're missing.
My cousin and his new pillow.
