Jokes

[havasu]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to intrude on your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Mark Brown]

Ok, most of your anti-biden memes are just trope as far as I am concerned (one mans opinion) but man that just made me laugh really hard.

 

[Dan]

 

[Floorist]

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife

 

[Floorist]

What do you say to an NFL player in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[C.J.]

Love notes?!? That’s just a message she leaves on the fridge for me to find if she leaves before me.

 

[Floorist]

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and
Places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up
And asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about
One foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back
Into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter
As well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a
Beautiful piece by Mozart! 'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says....
'Here. Rub it.'
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.......
'I will grant you one wish. Just ! One wish~~ each person is only allowed one!'
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says.......
'I want a million bucks!'
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks
And they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says......
'Y'know, I think Your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks,
Not a million ducks.'
'Tell me about it!!' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?

 

[Floorist]