Jokes

[Floorist]

• “Reader, suppose you were an *****. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” –Mark Twain
• “The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.” –Will Rogers
• “I love to go to Washington, if only to be near my money.” –Bob Hope
• “There is no distinctly native American criminal class...except Congress.” –Mark Twain
• “This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when a baby gets hold of a hammer.” –Will Rogers
• “Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” –Ronald Reagan
• “Members of Congress should be compelled to wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.” –Caroline Baum
• “We have the best Congress money can buy.” –Mark Twain

And then, most apropos for the recent election: "If voting made any difference, they wouldn't let us do it." –Mark Twain

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Dan]

View attachment 11291

I need a dozen or so of those. Some are sure to get lost.

 

[DarisMulkin]

My friend quit buying toilet paper after he
bought a van with ... a rear wiper.

 

[highup]

Oh I hope it doesn't have a rear camera too

 

[Floorist]

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was your wife's maiden name?"

 

[Floorist]

 

[DarisMulkin]

 

[havasu]

Well, he's got the name right!

 

[DarisMulkin]

 

[highup]

Back atchya.

 

[highup]

So if I put my stimulus check into a Dominion voting machine, will my $600 turn into $100,000?

 

[Dan]

So if I put my stimulus check into a Dominion voting machine, will my $600 turn into $100,000?

Since you're not a leftist, more likely to turn into a $12,000 bill.

 

[highup]

I can handle that kind of error. It's not likely they would ever check to see if they made a mistake.

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[DarisMulkin]

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]