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Nick
In Remembrance
She sounds like a fun date . Phew !
Nick
In Remembrance
....
This is what all of you 70+ year-olds, and yet-to-be kids have to look forward to!!
This is something that happened at an assisted living center.
The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.
An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.
This is something that happened at an assisted living center.
The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.
An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly.
Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom.
The groom's mother fainted.
The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.
The pastor asked the woman,
"Can you tell us why you came forward?
What do you have to say?"
The woman replied,
"We can't hear youin the back."
Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom.
The groom's mother fainted.
The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.
The pastor asked the woman,
"Can you tell us why you came forward?
What do you have to say?"
The woman replied,
"We can't hear youin the back."
Two young stock clerks in Florida were sitting down for a break in
a soon-to-be new store in a shopping mall. As yet, the store's
merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is
going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're
selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up
to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then
in a loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,
"You must be doing well. Only two left."
a soon-to-be new store in a shopping mall. As yet, the store's
merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is
going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're
selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up
to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then
in a loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,
"You must be doing well. Only two left."
New educational bumper sticker
Due to a power outage, The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.. Little Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet and spanked him on his bottom And he began to cry. The paramedic then asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, spank him again'
Nick
In Remembrance
Was it someone here that told the story of a cousin who got drunk and punched a horse because he thought it was laughing at him? Only it was a mounted policeman's horse and he got jailtime for assaulting an officer of the law...
Nick
In Remembrance
That's Funny .
Nick
In Remembrance
....
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
Stupid Jimmy . LOL.
If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.
· I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
· A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
· Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
· I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
· If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
· Take my advice I'm not using it.
· My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
· Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
· Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
· Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
· Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
· He who laughs last thinks slowest.
· Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
· Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
· I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
· I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
· If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
· Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
· If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
· Money is the root of all wealth.
· No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery
· I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
· A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
· Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
· I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
· If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
· Take my advice I'm not using it.
· My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
· Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
· Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
· Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
· Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
· He who laughs last thinks slowest.
· Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
· Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
· I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
· I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
· If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
· Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
· If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
· Money is the root of all wealth.
· No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery
Nick
In Remembrance
Something to remember when driving in the country.
Q: Who has the right of way any time?
A: The car with a gun rack and a bumper sticker that reads "Guns don't kill people, I do."
Q: Who has the right of way any time?
A: The car with a gun rack and a bumper sticker that reads "Guns don't kill people, I do."
