Jokes

[Nick]

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[Floorist]

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

 

[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Floorist]

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[Nick]

Stupid Jimmy . LOL.

 

[Floorist]

If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.











· I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.











· A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.











· Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.











· I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.











· If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.











· Take my advice — I'm not using it.











· My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.











· Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.











· Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.











· Ever stop to think and forget to start again?











· Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.











· He who laughs last thinks slowest.











· Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?











· Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.











· I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.











· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.











· I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.











· If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.











· Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.











· If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?











· Money is the root of all wealth.











· No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery

 

[Nick]

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https://youtu.be/_kgRFHaNo-Y

 

[Floorist]

Something to remember when driving in the country.



Q: Who has the right of way any time?

A: The car with a gun rack and a bumper sticker that reads "Guns don't kill people, I do."

 

[Floorist]

A redneck felt sick and decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him.

"I can't seem to find the problem, but I think it has something to do with alcohol."

"Well," said the redneck, "then I'll come back when you're sober.'

 

[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Floorist]

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.

He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."

So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.

When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren

...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium

 

[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[zannej]

I should have screenshotted it, but a friend of mine posted on his Facebook wall about how crazy the weather here is. One day you can fry an egg on the sidewalk and the next day you can catch fish in the same spot.