Nick
In Remembrance
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Jokes
- Thread starter Floorist
- Start date
Help Support Flooring Forum:
A friend of mine sent me this link to some Amazon reviews of Haribo sugar free Gummi Bears. Apparently there were some unpleasant side effects.
The top 1 star review on the right is absolutely hilarious, but a lot of these are funny.
Who knows, maybe some of you may find the product useful for revenge.
https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Sugar...paging_btm_6?ie=UTF8&pageNumber=6&pageSize=10
The top 1 star review on the right is absolutely hilarious, but a lot of these are funny.
Who knows, maybe some of you may find the product useful for revenge.
https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Sugar...paging_btm_6?ie=UTF8&pageNumber=6&pageSize=10
A friend of mine sent me this link to some Amazon reviews of Haribo sugar free Gummi Bears. Apparently there were some unpleasant side effects.
The top 1 star review on the right is absolutely hilarious, but a lot of these are funny.
Who knows, maybe some of you may find the product useful for revenge.
https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Sugar...paging_btm_6?ie=UTF8&pageNumber=6&pageSize=10
That is funny
I really liked this quote...
" My husband took ONE after a bout of constipation and afterwards could s*&! through a screen door and not hit a wire. So I am sure for the average person these bears would cause mild trauma at minimum exposure.":sick:
Nick
In Remembrance
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TEXT
MESSAGE
Hi Fred, This is Alan next door. I have a
confession to make.
I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and
have been trying to get the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't
happen again.
Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.
THE RESPONSE:
Fred, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and
shot his neighbor dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a second message from his neighbor:
THE SECOND MESSAGE:
Hi Fred, This is Alan next door again. Sorry
about the typo on my last text.
I expect you figured it out anyway, and that you noticed
that darned Auto-Correct changed 'WiFi' to
'Wife.'
Technology, hey?
Regards, Alan.
MESSAGE
Hi Fred, This is Alan next door. I have a
confession to make.
I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and
have been trying to get the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't
happen again.
Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.
THE RESPONSE:
Fred, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and
shot his neighbor dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a second message from his neighbor:
THE SECOND MESSAGE:
Hi Fred, This is Alan next door again. Sorry
about the typo on my last text.
I expect you figured it out anyway, and that you noticed
that darned Auto-Correct changed 'WiFi' to
'Wife.'
Technology, hey?
Regards, Alan.
After a long, tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, a woman sitting next to him pulled out her mobile phone.
She started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train". "Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting.
No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life. Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!" Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When the man sitting next to her had had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
She no longer uses her cell phone in public.....
As the train rolled out of the station, a woman sitting next to him pulled out her mobile phone.
She started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train". "Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting.
No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life. Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!" Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When the man sitting next to her had had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
She no longer uses her cell phone in public.....
Nick
In Remembrance
Years ago i was sitting on a news paper on the LIR in NY. Guy across the isle asked me if i was reading the paper . I said Yes . Stood up , turned the page, and sat back down on it .
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
Nick
In Remembrance
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I posted this on another forum, but will share it here. My uncle sent me a little newspaper article that was obviously a joke. I'll paraphrase it here.
A federal agent went to a large farm and announced to the farmer that he was going to search the property for drugs. The farmer told him that was fine bug suggested that he avoid a particular field. The agent got huffy, pulled out his badge, stuck it in the farmer's face and said "You see this ****ing badge? This means I can go wherever the **** I want and do whatever the **** I want!" (as an aside, the nitpicker in me wanted to point out that he couldn't search the premises without a warrant and a badge was meaningless). The farmer apologized and let the agent begin his search. Several minutes later he heard a scream from the aforementioned field he'd indicated. He looked up and saw the agent running for his life with a large bull chasing him. The farmer helpfully jumped up on the fence and shouted to the agent "Your BADGE! Show him your ****ing BADGE!"
A federal agent went to a large farm and announced to the farmer that he was going to search the property for drugs. The farmer told him that was fine bug suggested that he avoid a particular field. The agent got huffy, pulled out his badge, stuck it in the farmer's face and said "You see this ****ing badge? This means I can go wherever the **** I want and do whatever the **** I want!" (as an aside, the nitpicker in me wanted to point out that he couldn't search the premises without a warrant and a badge was meaningless). The farmer apologized and let the agent begin his search. Several minutes later he heard a scream from the aforementioned field he'd indicated. He looked up and saw the agent running for his life with a large bull chasing him. The farmer helpfully jumped up on the fence and shouted to the agent "Your BADGE! Show him your ****ing BADGE!"
After an elderly couple starts getting forgetful, they visit their doctor. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband. "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well, I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it," the wife replies.
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen, and his wife hears pots and pans banging.
The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband. "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well, I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it," the wife replies.
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen, and his wife hears pots and pans banging.
The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
What a coincidence. I had a BLT yesterday too.
Nick
In Remembrance
What Flavor Hi ?
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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A redhead and a blonde were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
Blonde said, "I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery."
"What's that?" asks the redhead.
"Send my lawn away to be mowed."
Blonde said, "I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery."
"What's that?" asks the redhead.
"Send my lawn away to be mowed."
Nick
In Remembrance
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