Jokes

[DarisMulkin]

John goes to his friend navigator and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's
wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"

Bill doesn't like it, but being a friend he agrees.

After the services, Bill starts talking to the minister, asking him all
sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Bill what he's really up to.

Bill, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is
sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bill’s shoulder and says,
You better hurry home.

My wife died a year ago."

 

[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[havasu]

The G/F just sent this to me. I believe she is trying to send me a message?

 

[zannej]

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That reminds me of some stuff my father told me about his days in the border patrol for some reason. Sometimes there would be kids from Mexico who would jump across the border and back over and over just for fun. They'd be like "I'm in Mexico! I'm in America!" over and over. LOL.

The kids were very curious about the stuff the border patrol agents had on their belts. One kid asked one of the co-workers what the sap was and the guy handed it to him and the kid tested it out by conking his brother on the head and accidentally knocking him out.

 

[Nick]

The G/F just sent this to me. I believe she is trying to send me a message?

 

[Nick]

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[Floorist]

cat.

 

[Floorist]

car i

 

[Nick]

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[Floorist]

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.

"May I speak to your parents?"
"They're busy."

"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The police."

"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."

"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The firemen."

"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."

"So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing?"

"Looking for me."

 

[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[DarisMulkin]

Sitting in a public toilet, a gentleman discovers, too late, that there is no toilet paper, so he asks the guy in the next cubicle:

"Do you have any toilet paper in there?"

"Sorry, no."

"What about one of those paper seat covers?"

"No, none of those either.Sorry."

"How about newspaper? Is there a sheet of newspaper you could give me?"

"Sorry pal, I don't have any newspaper."

"OK. Can you give me two fives for a ten?"

 

[Nick]

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[Floorist]

A couple had two mischievous little boys, ages eight and 10. At their wits' end, the parents contacted a clergyman who had been successful in rehabilitating bad children in the past.

The clergyman asked to see the boys individually. The eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what happened.

The younger brother replied, "We are in big trouble this time.

God is missing, and they think we did it!"

 

[Floorist]

fan.