Nick
In Remembrance
....
Jokes
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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into
town again, you're fired."
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into
town again, you're fired."
Nick
In Remembrance
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide.
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law. I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide. Just get a divorce!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law. I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide. Just get a divorce!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Do you know how to tell if you are at a gay picnic?
Hotdogs taste like shit.
Daris
Hotdogs taste like shit.
Daris
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Nick
In Remembrance
..
Nick
In Remembrance
John goes to his friend navigator and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's
wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"
Bill doesn't like it, but being a friend he agrees.
After the services, Bill starts talking to the minister, asking him all
sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Bill what he's really up to.
Bill, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is
sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bill’s shoulder and says,
You better hurry home.
My wife died a year ago."
wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"
Bill doesn't like it, but being a friend he agrees.
After the services, Bill starts talking to the minister, asking him all
sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Bill what he's really up to.
Bill, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is
sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bill’s shoulder and says,
You better hurry home.
My wife died a year ago."
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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The G/F just sent this to me. I believe she is trying to send me a message?
That reminds me of some stuff my father told me about his days in the border patrol for some reason. Sometimes there would be kids from Mexico who would jump across the border and back over and over just for fun. They'd be like "I'm in Mexico! I'm in America!" over and over. LOL.
The kids were very curious about the stuff the border patrol agents had on their belts. One kid asked one of the co-workers what the sap was and the guy handed it to him and the kid tested it out by conking his brother on the head and accidentally knocking him out.
Nick
In Remembrance
Nick
In Remembrance
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cat.
car i
Nick
In Remembrance
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