Jokes

[Floorist]

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.

"May I speak to your parents?"
"They're busy."

"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The police."

"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."

"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The firemen."

"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."

"So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing?"

"Looking for me."

 

[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[DarisMulkin]

Sitting in a public toilet, a gentleman discovers, too late, that there is no toilet paper, so he asks the guy in the next cubicle:

"Do you have any toilet paper in there?"

"Sorry, no."

"What about one of those paper seat covers?"

"No, none of those either.Sorry."

"How about newspaper? Is there a sheet of newspaper you could give me?"

"Sorry pal, I don't have any newspaper."

"OK. Can you give me two fives for a ten?"

 

[Nick]

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[Floorist]

A couple had two mischievous little boys, ages eight and 10. At their wits' end, the parents contacted a clergyman who had been successful in rehabilitating bad children in the past.

The clergyman asked to see the boys individually. The eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what happened.

The younger brother replied, "We are in big trouble this time.

God is missing, and they think we did it!"

 

[Floorist]

fan.

 

[Nick]

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[havasu]

Nick's conversation with his doctor...


During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level.

He described a typical day: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and took four leaks behind big trees.”

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, “You sound like one heck of an outdoors man!”

”NAH, he replied, I'm just a shitty golfer.”

 

[Floorist]

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[Nick]

Nick's conversation with his doctor...


During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level.

He described a typical day: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and took four leaks behind big trees.”

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, “You sound like one heck of an outdoors man!”

”NAH, he replied, I'm just a shitty golfer.”

I played courses like that. Hit a ball about a inch from the nose of a 12' Gator one time .

 

[DarisMulkin]

I played courses like that. Hit a ball about a inch from the nose of a 12' Gator one time .

Did he play fetch with it?

Daris

 

[Nick]

I had my eye on him the hole time i was on the green. he didn't move .

 

[Floorist]

Did you go get your ball?

 

[Nick]

I let him have it .

 

[Nick]

I let him have it . I'm a fool , But not a damn fool.

 

[Nick]

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[DarisMulkin]

Why don't blind people skydive?

Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

Daris

 

[Nick]

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