A middle aged couple in Cherry Grove, Alberta had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, Belinda, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garter snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it warmed up, it slithered out very quietly and went exploring for bugs. Belinda happened to see it snake its way under the sofa. She screamed and none to silently either. Arnold, was in the shower after a long day of welding. He was just beginning to relax and feel comfortable when he heard the scream. He came running into the living room naked as a jay bird and flopping quite obsenely. He was feeling vulnerable but he was here to rescue the day. Belina was hysterical and was not making much sense but he got the part about he snake under the couch. Arnold wasn't into snakes but he was the man here (which was quite obvious at the moment).
Dripping wet and a bit cold, he got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look. He was fully expecting to see a fairly big snake all coiled up and waiting for his nakedness to appear. About that time, Woofie, the romantic Lab, the family dog, snuck up behind him and cold-nosed him. In his mind he knew the snake had bitten him. It happened so suddenly he yelled and jumped forward smacking his head on the end table. Arnold was out cold and Belinda thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, and called an ambulance.
The ambulance arrived just as he was coming to. The attendants rushed in and while ignoring his protests, loaded him onto a stretcher. Just as they started carrying him out in all his embarrassed splendor, the snake made a new appearance and came out from under the sofa. The Emergency Medical Technician saw it by her boot. She jumped and dropped her end of the stretcher. That's how Arnold broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
Belinda still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on Gordon, a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He knew all about snakes apparently. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told her so. She sat down on the sofa inrelief. While she was relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions. Suddenly the snake was wriggling against the back of her hand. She screamed and fainted. The snake rushed back under the sofa.Gordon saw she had passed out. He decided she needed CPR to revive her. Gordon's wife, Sherie, had heard about the excitement from another neighbor and came over to help her husband. She arrived just in time to see her husband's mouth on Belindas lips. She slammed Gordie in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods,knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where he needed stitches.
The noise woke Belinda from her faint. She saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She ran to the kitchen, phoned 911 and got a small bottle of whiskey. Shouldering her inexplicably belligerant neighbor aside, she began pouring some of the whiskey down Gordon's throat. By now, the police had arrived. Take a Breath Here......They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all. Belinda explained about the how this had happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away Gordon and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa trying to make a run for it. One of the policemen was startled and drew his gun and fired. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered. It started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of Woofie, the family dog. Woofie, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. Belinda asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
And that's when he shot her.
