Jokes

[zannej]

The Admiral was visiting one of his ships.

When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ships insignia embossed on it. He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.

Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.

Admiral: That’s pretty unhygienic

Cook: In that case Sir, I’d suggest you skip the doughnuts. :sick:

ROTFL!
True story: when my paternal grandfather was in the merchant marines (or something along those lines) back in the 20s, he was on a ship and they would serve meatballs often. The meatballs were always salty and one day my grandfather went to the kitchen for some reason and saw the cook rolling the meatballs on his big sweaty stomach.

 

[Nick]

At dinner, a little boy was asked to lead the prayer. "But I don't know how to pray," he replied.
"Just pray for our family members, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc.," says his father.
"Okay," stuttered the boy. "Dear Lord, Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's Blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work. AMEN"

Dinner was cancelled.

 

[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Floorist]

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[Don Monfils]

View attachment ImageUploadedByFlooring Forum1490744744.436281.jpg

 

[Nick]

I'll take her word for it .

 

[havasu]

Damn nasty......

 

[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Floorist]

Three Doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.''

Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''

Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.''

 

[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

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[Nick]

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man
to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."

The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."

The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well you were wrong.

"Hi Dan!"

 

[Floorist]

What do you call Satan and a lawyer?


Twins!

 

[Nick]

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