Nick
In Remembrance
....
Jokes
- Thread starter Floorist
- Start date
Help Support Flooring Forum:
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Nick
In Remembrance
An engineer was left without a job for a long period. He tried to find himself a job, however he had no luck. So, he opened a medical clinic and placed a sign in front of it: Get a treatment for $500, if youre not treated well we give you $1000
A doctor saw the sign in front of the clinic, so he thought it was an easy $1000 for him. He entered the clinic and told the engineer, I dont have any taste in my mouth. So, the engineer had the nurse bring the doctor some medicine. It was stored in box 22 and she put 3 drops of it in the doctors mouth. He was shocked, This is Gasoline!
The engineer happily said, Very well! You have your taste back. $500 please.
The doctor gave the engineer his money, and he was very angry so decided to come back a few days later. This time, he said: I dont remember anything, Ive lost my memory! So, the engineer told the nurse to bring the medicine from box 22 again and put it in the doctors mouth.
The doctor said, Thats gasoline, Im not taking it! So the engineer was happy again and said, Congratulations! You have your memory back. $500 please.
The doctor gave $500 again and angrily he went home, only to be back a few days later. This time, he said: My vision is really weak, I dont see anything. So, the engineer replied, Well I dont have medicine for that Heres your $1000. The doctor look at the money and said, But this is $500, not $1000! So, the engineer replied: Very well, your vision is back! $500 please.
A doctor saw the sign in front of the clinic, so he thought it was an easy $1000 for him. He entered the clinic and told the engineer, I dont have any taste in my mouth. So, the engineer had the nurse bring the doctor some medicine. It was stored in box 22 and she put 3 drops of it in the doctors mouth. He was shocked, This is Gasoline!
The engineer happily said, Very well! You have your taste back. $500 please.
The doctor gave the engineer his money, and he was very angry so decided to come back a few days later. This time, he said: I dont remember anything, Ive lost my memory! So, the engineer told the nurse to bring the medicine from box 22 again and put it in the doctors mouth.
The doctor said, Thats gasoline, Im not taking it! So the engineer was happy again and said, Congratulations! You have your memory back. $500 please.
The doctor gave $500 again and angrily he went home, only to be back a few days later. This time, he said: My vision is really weak, I dont see anything. So, the engineer replied, Well I dont have medicine for that Heres your $1000. The doctor look at the money and said, But this is $500, not $1000! So, the engineer replied: Very well, your vision is back! $500 please.
I remember a time when my wife felt left out because I had an iphone, one kid had an ipod, another had an ipad, so i got her an iron... didnt go over like i would have hoped..
Nick
In Remembrance
Nick
In Remembrance
....
![MORE Luxury Vinyl Floor Cleaner for Vinyl Plank Flooring - Ready to Use, Daily Cleaning Formula for Tile, Vinyl Surfaces [Gallon / 128oz]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/413LZHZiqCL._SL500_.jpg)
Nick
In Remembrance
......
shark
At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs.
He replied, "Depends."
He replied, "Depends."
Nick
In Remembrance
....
On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, I have a confession to make. Im not a virgin. Ive been with one other guy.
Oh yeah? Who was the guy?
Tiger Woods, the golfer.
Well, hes rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that.
The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
What are you doing? asks the wife.
Im hungry. Im calling room service.
Tiger wouldnt do that.
Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?
Hed come back to bed and do it a second time.
The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he goes back to the phone.
What are you doing now? she asks.
Im still hungry, so Im going to ring room service for some food.
Tiger wouldnt do that.
Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?
Hed come back to bed and do it one more time.
The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.
Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, Are you calling room service?
No! Im calling Tiger Woods to find out whats par for this hole!
Oh yeah? Who was the guy?
Tiger Woods, the golfer.
Well, hes rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that.
The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
What are you doing? asks the wife.
Im hungry. Im calling room service.
Tiger wouldnt do that.
Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?
Hed come back to bed and do it a second time.
The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he goes back to the phone.
What are you doing now? she asks.
Im still hungry, so Im going to ring room service for some food.
Tiger wouldnt do that.
Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?
Hed come back to bed and do it one more time.
The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.
Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, Are you calling room service?
No! Im calling Tiger Woods to find out whats par for this hole!
Nick
In Remembrance
meee
A new bride wants to be sure her hubby enjoys her cooking and records these daily experiences in her diary ...
MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Bill wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bill brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today Bill asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Bill asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: Bill did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Bill keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY: Bill's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bill. If I can talk Bill into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Bill wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bill brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today Bill asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Bill asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: Bill did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Bill keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY: Bill's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bill. If I can talk Bill into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.
"That's good," the boss said, "because after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.
"That's good," the boss said, "because after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Nick
In Remembrance
....
