LOL! I'll have to show that to some friends. They'll love it!
Jokes
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LOL! I'll have to show that to some friends. They'll love it!
A guy sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar. He walks up to her and says, "Where have you been all my life?"
"Well," she says, "for the first half of it, I wasnt even born."
"Well," she says, "for the first half of it, I wasnt even born."
salad
Nick
In Remembrance
....
yabba
Nick
In Remembrance
Thought I would share a little levity....
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.
The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.
He confessed that he was the pro at the neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
And, if you want to, bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry them.
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.
The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.
He confessed that he was the pro at the neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
And, if you want to, bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry them.
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Nick
In Remembrance
....
sign
or my Marine friends from a friend:
Women aboard ship
Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers. Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised, "Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a Marine from the security detail assigned to the ship stood up in the crowd and inquired..
"How much for a season pass?"
Women aboard ship
Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers. Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised, "Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a Marine from the security detail assigned to the ship stood up in the crowd and inquired..
"How much for a season pass?"
One evening while dining with my friend Mike, he spotted a lovely woman across the room dining with another .
After about 45 minutes he worked up the courage to go over and introduce himself.
He said Hi: I'm mike and was wondering if you ladies might be interested in some conversation tonight, Indicating me across the room.
Immediately at the top of her voice his lady yells, No We would not be interested in a wild romp through your petunias!
Struck dumb, Mike returned to our table thoroughly embarrassed.
Ten minutes later his choice shows up and apologizes, saying that she and her friend are psychologists studying how people react in embarrassing situations, and she and friend would love to talk a while.
He immediately yells, What do you mean $250.00 each
After about 45 minutes he worked up the courage to go over and introduce himself.
He said Hi: I'm mike and was wondering if you ladies might be interested in some conversation tonight, Indicating me across the room.
Immediately at the top of her voice his lady yells, No We would not be interested in a wild romp through your petunias!
Struck dumb, Mike returned to our table thoroughly embarrassed.
Ten minutes later his choice shows up and apologizes, saying that she and her friend are psychologists studying how people react in embarrassing situations, and she and friend would love to talk a while.
He immediately yells, What do you mean $250.00 each
Hang on to any Minnesota quarters you may get in change. They may be worth MUCH MORE than 25 cents!
The US Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the Minnesota quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state. This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones or any other coin-operated devices.
The problem lies in the unique makeup of the Minnesota quarter, which was designed by a couple of Norwegian specialists, Sven and Ole. Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming up the machines.
The US Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the Minnesota quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state. This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones or any other coin-operated devices.
The problem lies in the unique makeup of the Minnesota quarter, which was designed by a couple of Norwegian specialists, Sven and Ole. Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming up the machines.
Nick
In Remembrance
...
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, Im on the 7th hole, and youre one hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and once more he approached the lady with the same request.
She said, Im on the 14th, you are one hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would laugh.
No, I wouldnt, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh!
Thats not what Im laughing at, he replied. Im a toilet paper salesman, so Im STILL one hole behind you!
She replied, Im on the 7th hole, and youre one hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and once more he approached the lady with the same request.
She said, Im on the 14th, you are one hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would laugh.
No, I wouldnt, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh!
Thats not what Im laughing at, he replied. Im a toilet paper salesman, so Im STILL one hole behind you!
Nick
In Remembrance
...lol
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.. OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap.
You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine.
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap.
You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine.
