If this works its hilarious.
Jokes
- Thread starter Floorist
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A lady about 80 sent that to me who lives in Australia
... but airlines aren't working if you desire essential services.
![MORE Luxury Vinyl Floor Cleaner for Vinyl Plank Flooring - Ready to Use, Daily Cleaning Formula for Tile, Vinyl Surfaces [Gallon / 128oz]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/413LZHZiqCL._SL500_.jpg)
That's a really good humorous/reality photo of the day..... in terms of the times we are experiencing right now. I bet the French and Italians would smile.
Hope I never see that sorta thing where I live.
Hope I never see that sorta thing where I live.
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”
She kicked me out and said “The men I please are none of your business!”
She kicked me out and said “The men I please are none of your business!”
Had to read that one twice.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
A father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed. His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened.
“God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye grandpa”
The father asked “why did you say good bye grandpa?”
The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.”
The next morning, the family received news that the grandfather had indeed died. The father thought that it was just a very lucky coincidence.
A few months later, he tucked her daughter into bed, and she said a prayer. “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, goodbye grandma.”
And of course, the next day, the grandmother died. The father realized that his daughter could predict the family deaths, and that this was no coincidence.
A few weeks later, he tucked his daughter into bed, and her prayer went “God bless mommy, and good bye daddy.”
Her father went into shock. He stood up all night waiting for the worse, and then sunrise came. He decided to just stay at work the entire day to be safe. He stayed at his office until midnight came. When it did, nothing happened. He breathed a sigh of relief.
When he came home, his wife asked why he was home so late. “I had the worst day of my life.” said the father. “If you think your day was hard, you won’t believe what happened to me, my boss died in the middle of a meeting!”
“God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye grandpa”
The father asked “why did you say good bye grandpa?”
The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.”
The next morning, the family received news that the grandfather had indeed died. The father thought that it was just a very lucky coincidence.
A few months later, he tucked her daughter into bed, and she said a prayer. “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, goodbye grandma.”
And of course, the next day, the grandmother died. The father realized that his daughter could predict the family deaths, and that this was no coincidence.
A few weeks later, he tucked his daughter into bed, and her prayer went “God bless mommy, and good bye daddy.”
Her father went into shock. He stood up all night waiting for the worse, and then sunrise came. He decided to just stay at work the entire day to be safe. He stayed at his office until midnight came. When it did, nothing happened. He breathed a sigh of relief.
When he came home, his wife asked why he was home so late. “I had the worst day of my life.” said the father. “If you think your day was hard, you won’t believe what happened to me, my boss died in the middle of a meeting!”
You know if you keep a glass of wine in each hand you can’t accidentally touch your face.
This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.
Kinda starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture.”
Home schooling question: Does having your children fix you mixed cocktails count as chemistry?
Where’s your husband?....In the garden….I didn’t see him….You just need to dig a little deeper.
My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in the bed all day, but look at me now! I’m saving the world!
I miss the days when we were terrified of Romaine lettuce. Ahh, the good times….
Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.
Homeschooling Day #3: they all graduated. #Done.
I’m giving up drinking for a month.
Oops, sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Drinking for a month.
This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.
Kinda starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture.”
Home schooling question: Does having your children fix you mixed cocktails count as chemistry?
Where’s your husband?....In the garden….I didn’t see him….You just need to dig a little deeper.
My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in the bed all day, but look at me now! I’m saving the world!
I miss the days when we were terrified of Romaine lettuce. Ahh, the good times….
Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.
Homeschooling Day #3: they all graduated. #Done.
I’m giving up drinking for a month.
Oops, sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Drinking for a month.
I'm glad you're quarantined Rusty...... gives you time to find funny stuff... specially the last ones.
