Jokes

[highup]

View attachment 10274

That's the only one I want to see Darius.

 

[DarisMulkin]

A hotel patron asked the receptionist: "Can all the **** in my room be disabled?"

The clerk barked: "You are sick, you'll watch the normal **** just like everyone else!"

 

[zannej]

 

[DarisMulkin]

Z I bet that cold water will pucker the old bungas.

 

[highup]

Better off if it does otherwise you'd get a Rainbird enema.

 

[Floorist]

 

[Floorist]

 

[highup]

I never listened to him because I never liked much country.
Listen to is train whistle imitations starting after the 5 minute mark. WoW.

 

[highup]

I saw this one first.

 

[Jon]

I saw this one first.

I remember him but I am old
That electric steel has a sound of its own

 

[highup]

......it talks. I kept watching links and he is fantastic at his singing and mimicking others voices, he still pauses to inject humor between songs. He got famous in '79 and died in '99. Leukemia I think.

 

[DarisMulkin]

Hi this is for you!!!

 

[Floorist]

Must be A T & T, worst service I ever saw.

 

[Dan]

Must be A T & T, worst service I ever saw.

Centurylink in my area is horrendous. They have "oversold" my area. They prefer to say "it is exhausted." If you don't already have DSL, you can't buy it until they upgrade the equipment. I have 1.5 MB service (only speed available) and normally only get 0.50-0.60 download on a speed test. Upload usually fails and doesn't even complete.

 

[highup]

I gave up my dialup when I bought my 'smarter than me' Android phone, so I don't have use of my computer now for internet....... so I'm just using my phone.
I use antenna for tv.
If I upgraded and bought Spectrums services it's expensive unless I "bundle"
Bundle means I need to buy additional services I don't want to get the cheaper rates.
I was paying $21.95 for dialup plus for a landline I don't use anymore.
I don't need a landline, but I'd need it for internet

....so basically, I can't get there from here on my extremely inconsistent budget.
Spectrum would cost me $60 per month 'bundled' instead of the $21.95 I was paying. Tht was reduced to $12.95.
$12.95 compared to $60 is a lot.
My cell phone charges went from $30 to $45 per month changing from a flip phone to my Motorola android.
Sucks to not be able to afford a $150 cable bundled bill that doesn't even include my cell phone.
Unless Elon Musks night sky light polluting satellites download free internet, I'm toast as far as using my PC.

 

[Floorist]

We had a "short" in the line under the street for 16 years when A T & T was the only option. They fixed it after the cable company started with internet. A T & T offered 18 mbps, I get 100 with cable for the same price.

 

[Floorist]

I was at the checkout of a local Walmart.
The cashier rang up $46.64 charges.
I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.
I gave the money back to her and told her that she
had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was educated and
knew what she was doing, and she returned the money again.
I gave her the money back -- same scenario!
I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us! .....
I walked into a Starbucks with a
buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.
I handed it to the girl and she looked over at
a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.'
"They're already buy-one- get-one-free," she said,
"so I guess they're both free."
She handed me my free lattes, and I walked out the door.
They Walk Among Us! .....
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends,
when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and asked, "Where?"
They Walk Among Us! .....
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north; because, he explained,
he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East,
and has for sometime; she shook her head and said,
"Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."
They Walk Among Us!! .....
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked
what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open
24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
They Walk Among Us! .....
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the trunk.
They Walk Among Us! .....
My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticed
that the cases were discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, we bought two cases.
The cashier multiplied two times 10%
and gave us a 20% discount.
They Walk Among Us! .....
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area,
so I went to the lost luggage office and
told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional, and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
So I replied, "No Ma'am, The Pilot told us we're circling the airport, 3rd in line to land" .....
They Walk Among Us! .....
While working at a pizza place, I observed
a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone, and the cook asked him
if he would like it cut into four pieces or six..
He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into four pieces.
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat six pieces."

 

[Floorist]

 

[highup]

I like that one.

 

[Floorist]