Did a bunch of ice cream shops with red and white. Would go home with blurry eyes.
Jokes
- Thread starter Floorist
- Start date
Help Support Flooring Forum:
We've all been asked, "can you do the rooms first" ?
![MORE Luxury Vinyl Floor Cleaner for Vinyl Plank Flooring - Ready to Use, Daily Cleaning Formula for Tile, Vinyl Surfaces [Gallon / 128oz]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/413LZHZiqCL._SL500_.jpg)
A big game hunter went on a safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter's wife awakened to find her mother gone.
She woke her husband, and they both set off in search of the old woman.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was standing face-to-face with a lion
"What are we going to do?" his horrified wife asked.
"Nothing," her husband replied, "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter's wife awakened to find her mother gone.
She woke her husband, and they both set off in search of the old woman.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was standing face-to-face with a lion
"What are we going to do?" his horrified wife asked.
"Nothing," her husband replied, "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
It's all relative....
A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said "I've always wanted to have *** with a little person"
The dwarf replied, "I'm sorry, but I've had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up".
"It's ok" said the woman, "my husband is working away until next week"
So, against his better judgement he goes back with the woman.
They start having amazing ***, when suddenly the front door opens.
"Damn it's my husband!!" she said. "Quick, hang out of the bedroom window and when he goes for a shower, you can climb in and get away".
So the dwarf climbs out of the window and hangs on the ledge by his fingertips.
Her husband comes in the bedroom, says "It's cold in here", slams the window shut and the dwarf plummets to the ground.
The woman is distraught and calls an ambulance.
A couple of days later she goes to visit the dwarf in hospital. "How are you" she asked.
"Well, my fingers are broken, I've got two broken ankles, a dislocated hip and severe concussion" he said.
"Oh dear" she said. "Still, it could have been much worse".
"Much worse!?" said the dwarf. "How do you figure that?".
"Well" she said, "you're lucky that I live in a one-story bungalow".
A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said "I've always wanted to have *** with a little person"
The dwarf replied, "I'm sorry, but I've had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up".
"It's ok" said the woman, "my husband is working away until next week"
So, against his better judgement he goes back with the woman.
They start having amazing ***, when suddenly the front door opens.
"Damn it's my husband!!" she said. "Quick, hang out of the bedroom window and when he goes for a shower, you can climb in and get away".
So the dwarf climbs out of the window and hangs on the ledge by his fingertips.
Her husband comes in the bedroom, says "It's cold in here", slams the window shut and the dwarf plummets to the ground.
The woman is distraught and calls an ambulance.
A couple of days later she goes to visit the dwarf in hospital. "How are you" she asked.
"Well, my fingers are broken, I've got two broken ankles, a dislocated hip and severe concussion" he said.
"Oh dear" she said. "Still, it could have been much worse".
"Much worse!?" said the dwarf. "How do you figure that?".
"Well" she said, "you're lucky that I live in a one-story bungalow".
I wonder what a Tesla pickup would have done on auto pilot....
....switched into off-road mode?
....switched into off-road mode?
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts
slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is
panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper
and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the
newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist,
gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel,
which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father
and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her
saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied... "Divorce Attorney."
Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts
slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is
panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper
and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the
newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist,
gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel,
which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father
and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her
saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied... "Divorce Attorney."
