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The one where the road is blocked reminds me of a couple weeks ago when Karen and I wereon our way home and the entrance ramp to the xway had a patrol car sitting cross wise in it. You wouldn't believe how many people tried to go around him. They only have a one track mind.

Daris
 
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WHO IS SMARTER




The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large Yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat, with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then, senor?"

The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions, senor? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
 
Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As lunch time approaches they decide they are hungry. They then come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs.

One says to the other in a shocked tone, "My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"

"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled.

"Well," says the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."

They approach the vendor bravely. "Two hot dogs, please."

The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The two immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch. One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner and says,
"Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"
 
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well, however,
the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't
told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his
hospital gown up enough so he could look at what
was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts
were three wide strips of adhesive tape,
the kind that doesn't come off easily -- if at all.

Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence,
"Get well soon, from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week."

Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?
 
A group of women were at a seminar on "How to live in a loving relationship with your husband." The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All of the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you love him?" Some women answered today, some said yesterday and some couldn't remember!

The women were told to take out their cell phones and text to their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." Then they were instructed to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message received in response to the message.

Below are replies; some are hilarious. If you have been married for quite a while - a sign of true love - who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

4. What now? Did you crash the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What the hell did you do now?

7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

8. Am I dreaming?

9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she
 
So I walked into a bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent. I said: So, are you two girls from Scotland?

One of them said: "Wales Idiot!"

So I said: "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you two Whales from Scotland?"

That's the last thing I remember.
 
Got home real late last night after a full day of golfing, drinking,
and hanging out with the guys, and my wife left a message in the kitchen.
I think she wants me to eat more fruit, bless her heart!

Note-From-Wife.jpg
 

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