Jokes
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A while ago a new supermarket opened in Topeka, KS.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal-grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh-baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal-grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh-baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
...............
I heard today ,that 70 year old Don McLean is in trouble for domestic abuse.
His defense is ...
His last HIT was American pie ,in 1971
His defense is ...
His last HIT was American pie ,in 1971
I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for it," screamed his wife. "I'm really disappointed."
"You can hardly blame me," He answered. "It's not like I was getting any from you.
"Well that's your fault," she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it
"You can hardly blame me," He answered. "It's not like I was getting any from you.
"Well that's your fault," she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it
You can no longer sell guns on Facebook......lol
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The economy is so bad...
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
The cat and dog hide when they hear the wife say, "What do you want for dinner?"
I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
__________________
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
The cat and dog hide when they hear the wife say, "What do you want for dinner?"
I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
__________________
The invisible man married the invisible woman, the kids were nothing to look at either.
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Handyman guide
As God and St. Peter were gazing down at todays world, he gives a sigh and says, you know Pete I should have stopped at the monkeys.
Last edited by a moderator:
I know, it's bad.
..........
A blonde pushes her car into a gas station and tells the mechanic it died.
After working on it for a few minutes the mechanic has it is idling smoothly.
The blonde says, 'So what's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?
After working on it for a few minutes the mechanic has it is idling smoothly.
The blonde says, 'So what's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she crawled to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "Now that is a big switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed, before I have to drag you out, you little coward."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she crawled to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "Now that is a big switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed, before I have to drag you out, you little coward."
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become 'kitty litter'?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become dis-orient-ed?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
When dog food is 'new and improved' tasting, who tests it?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time to set it to?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become dis-orient-ed?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
When dog food is 'new and improved' tasting, who tests it?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time to set it to?
Really
