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Jokes
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DONALD TRUMP: We will build a big wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road.
We will have a door for legal chickens.
JOHN KERRY: We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.
CHRIS CHRISTIE: We need to water board that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.
RAND PAUL: It's none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.
NANCY PELOSI: We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.
CARLY FIORINA: Hillary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.
BRIAN WILLIAMS: I crossed the road with the chicken.
BEN CARSON: This isn't brain surgery. To look for pyramids... it wanted grain.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep
their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
BERNIE SANDERS: That little chicken will pay 80% income taxes no matter what side of the road it's on. He's got to help finance free college even for those that just want a four year vacation.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
Al SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
We will have a door for legal chickens.
JOHN KERRY: We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.
CHRIS CHRISTIE: We need to water board that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.
RAND PAUL: It's none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.
NANCY PELOSI: We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.
CARLY FIORINA: Hillary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.
BRIAN WILLIAMS: I crossed the road with the chicken.
BEN CARSON: This isn't brain surgery. To look for pyramids... it wanted grain.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep
their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
BERNIE SANDERS: That little chicken will pay 80% income taxes no matter what side of the road it's on. He's got to help finance free college even for those that just want a four year vacation.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
Al SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
NRA...I will protect the 2nd amendment rights of that chicken.
Nick
In Remembrance
Al SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? 
Nick
In Remembrance
....
..............
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Nick
In Remembrance
....
Number :10
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Number : 9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Number : 8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes . . . . You miss the ball much closer now."
Number : 7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Number : 6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so . . . ..That would be too much of a coincidence."
Number : 5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much
of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Number : 4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It's very good - but personally, I prefer golf."
Number : 3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."
Number : 2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course .. . . . We left that an hour ago."
And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a very long time since we teed off, sir."
Bonus...........
And last but not least, an old favourite . . . . .
About the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole . . . . .
He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy..............
Golfer: "Can you see any obvious problems.........?"
Caddy: "There's a piece of **** on the end of your club."
Golfer: He picks up his club up and says, "I don't see anything."
Caddy: "Other end."
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Number : 9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Number : 8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes . . . . You miss the ball much closer now."
Number : 7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Number : 6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so . . . ..That would be too much of a coincidence."
Number : 5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much
of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Number : 4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It's very good - but personally, I prefer golf."
Number : 3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."
Number : 2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course .. . . . We left that an hour ago."
And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a very long time since we teed off, sir."
Bonus...........
And last but not least, an old favourite . . . . .
About the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole . . . . .
He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy..............
Golfer: "Can you see any obvious problems.........?"
Caddy: "There's a piece of **** on the end of your club."
Golfer: He picks up his club up and says, "I don't see anything."
Caddy: "Other end."
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Nick
In Remembrance
....
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not
just an athlete.... she is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care
Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone saying, "Picabo, ICU".
just an athlete.... she is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care
Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone saying, "Picabo, ICU".
Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!
It was tough.
How does a blonde spell "farm?"
E-I-E-I-O!!
E-I-E-I-O!!
Nick
In Remembrance
And on his farm he had a Blonde .
We all need this
Senility has been a smooth transition for me. I may not be smart, handsome, athletic or talented ----------- where was I going with this?
My life.
A Post Surgery Question
You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.
*"But", she asked, "how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?"
The Surgeon seemed to pause*
and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye.
The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.*
It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out".
You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.
*"But", she asked, "how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?"
The Surgeon seemed to pause*
and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye.
The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.*
It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out".
The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.
89% of the people in 49 states said: ''Oh, s**t!''
In Arkansas 94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.'
89% of the people in 49 states said: ''Oh, s**t!''
In Arkansas 94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.'
