Nick
In Remembrance
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Jokes
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When everybody on earth passed on and were waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines: One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of men who were dominated by their wives was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of men who were dominated by their wives was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Client to designer: It doesnt really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.
![MORE Luxury Vinyl Floor Cleaner for Vinyl Plank Flooring - Ready to Use, Daily Cleaning Formula for Tile, Vinyl Surfaces [Gallon / 128oz]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/413LZHZiqCL._SL500_.jpg)
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say,
"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say,
"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson
Nick
In Remembrance
B.S.
Once upon a time, the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a dry, uninhabitable desert.
Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."
So they created a part-time night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How can the part-time watchman ever do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning department and hired people to write instructions, and others to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the part-time night watchman is doing his tasks correctly?"
So they created the Quality Control Department and hired more people -- to do the studies and to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created time keepers and payroll officer positions and a budgetary unit.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative section and hired more people, among them an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer, and an Administrative Officer and Assistant Liaison.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are already $1.2 million over budget, we must cut back on overall cost."
So they laid off the part-time night watchman.
Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."
So they created a part-time night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How can the part-time watchman ever do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning department and hired people to write instructions, and others to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the part-time night watchman is doing his tasks correctly?"
So they created the Quality Control Department and hired more people -- to do the studies and to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created time keepers and payroll officer positions and a budgetary unit.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative section and hired more people, among them an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer, and an Administrative Officer and Assistant Liaison.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are already $1.2 million over budget, we must cut back on overall cost."
So they laid off the part-time night watchman.
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Worse Punishment?
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.
When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
Like
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.
When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
Like
Alligator Shoes
An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes, man, I'll go and kill my own!"
The shopkeeper replied, "By all means. Just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same.
"So the Ranger went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw the gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes, man, I'll go and kill my own!"
The shopkeeper replied, "By all means. Just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same.
"So the Ranger went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw the gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
Nick
In Remembrance
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