Nick
In Remembrance
.....
Jokes
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Nick
In Remembrance
.....
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
witch
Nick
In Remembrance
One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING.
However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."
Well, here it is:
* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.
* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
* Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.
* You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Facebook.
* You are at a party; this attractive older man walks up to you and grabs your a**.
That's former President Bill Clinton.
However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."
Well, here it is:
* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.
* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
* Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.
* You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Facebook.
* You are at a party; this attractive older man walks up to you and grabs your a**.
That's former President Bill Clinton.
Nick
In Remembrance
.....
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Ex is ready for Halloween
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
Nick
In Remembrance
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Nick
In Remembrance
....
bugs
LOL. Bug thing is amusing. Pie thing made me think of a movie with W.C. Fields where a woman gave him a pie, he sits there and carefully cuts a slice out, puts it on a plate, then pulls the rest of the pie in the tin over to himself and starts digging in.
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Finally, something positive about my bad hearing.
During a recent White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.
"You know, I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday in June. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say over two hundred words!""That's very impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize that he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, "neither does the parrot."
"You know, I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday in June. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say over two hundred words!""That's very impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize that he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, "neither does the parrot."
old man
Nick
In Remembrance
Sister Margaret was a model nun all of her life, until she was called to get her just rewards. As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said Hold on, Sister Margaret
not so fast!
But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath I have lived for this moment! Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
That is precisely the problem, replied St. Peter, you never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong.
Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven! Sister Margaret pleaded.
I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then. ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. Saint Peter she gasped, I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up.
Good! replied the old saint, Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready.
Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniels.
Saint Peter, I feel woozy that vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me it is all I can do to keep it down.
Good good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong, said St. Peter with delight.
Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense, and then call me.
A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message:
Yo, Pete its Peggy Its gonna be a while!
But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath I have lived for this moment! Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
That is precisely the problem, replied St. Peter, you never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong.
Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven! Sister Margaret pleaded.
I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then. ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. Saint Peter she gasped, I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up.
Good! replied the old saint, Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready.
Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniels.
Saint Peter, I feel woozy that vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me it is all I can do to keep it down.
Good good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong, said St. Peter with delight.
Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense, and then call me.
A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message:
Yo, Pete its Peggy Its gonna be a while!
Nick
In Remembrance
....
