Nick
In Remembrance
.....
Jokes
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Nick
In Remembrance
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Nick
In Remembrance
....
bugs
LOL. Bug thing is amusing. Pie thing made me think of a movie with W.C. Fields where a woman gave him a pie, he sits there and carefully cuts a slice out, puts it on a plate, then pulls the rest of the pie in the tin over to himself and starts digging in.
Nick
In Remembrance
....
Finally, something positive about my bad hearing.
During a recent White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.
"You know, I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday in June. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say over two hundred words!""That's very impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize that he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, "neither does the parrot."
"You know, I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday in June. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say over two hundred words!""That's very impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize that he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, "neither does the parrot."
old man
Nick
In Remembrance
Sister Margaret was a model nun all of her life, until she was called to get her just rewards. As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said Hold on, Sister Margaret
not so fast!
But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath I have lived for this moment! Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
That is precisely the problem, replied St. Peter, you never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong.
Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven! Sister Margaret pleaded.
I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then. ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. Saint Peter she gasped, I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up.
Good! replied the old saint, Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready.
Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniels.
Saint Peter, I feel woozy that vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me it is all I can do to keep it down.
Good good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong, said St. Peter with delight.
Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense, and then call me.
A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message:
Yo, Pete its Peggy Its gonna be a while!
But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath I have lived for this moment! Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
That is precisely the problem, replied St. Peter, you never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong.
Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven! Sister Margaret pleaded.
I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then. ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. Saint Peter she gasped, I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up.
Good! replied the old saint, Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready.
Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniels.
Saint Peter, I feel woozy that vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me it is all I can do to keep it down.
Good good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong, said St. Peter with delight.
Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense, and then call me.
A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message:
Yo, Pete its Peggy Its gonna be a while!
Nick
In Remembrance
....
I hate spelling errors... you mix up 2 letters and your whole post is urined.
rotfl!
yabba
A Butter Bar was leading his platoon cross-country across a farm field. He came across a pool of water, and saw the farmer standing nearby and asked "Is this water deep?"
The farmer said "I don't think so."
So, the 2LT proceeded at full speed and his tank sunk.
He said the the farmer "I thought that you said this water wasn't deep!"
The farmer held his hand up to his chest and said "It only comes up to here on my ducks!"
The farmer said "I don't think so."
So, the 2LT proceeded at full speed and his tank sunk.
He said the the farmer "I thought that you said this water wasn't deep!"
The farmer held his hand up to his chest and said "It only comes up to here on my ducks!"
duck
The cartoon looks a bit like Steven Wright, and sounds like something he would come up with.
Nick
In Remembrance
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shoes
